This Christmas was, for me, a miracle.
Last June, while lying in bed at the third hospital I’d been in since March 27, 2020, I wondered if I would celebrate Christmas in my own home with my friends. As I lay in that bed with a feeding tube, a wound vac, unable to walk or stand up, and too weak to hold my cell phone for more than a few minutes, I despaired. I couldn’t share my despair easily, because my voice had become a raspy whisper after three intubations, The very idea of cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, and taking care of meals for both me and my dog, Sparkle, deemed impossible. I mourned for the life I led before Covid-19: A life rich with family, friends, travel, activity, and a busy social life. I was involved with a man I loved, Mike, and still love.
Then I was diagnosed with Covid-19 and my life changed forever. I become seriously ill and was hospitalized for almost six months.
As I lay in that hospital bed, I wondered what would happen to me. Would I ever recover from the debilitation of COVID-19? Would I ever be strong enough to walk again? Would I be able to live in my own home and take care of myself and my dog? I envisioned living in a facility, hoping that I would be able to manage independent living and dreading the possibility of more restrictive care. My outlook was bleak. Celebrating any holiday in the comfort of my own home didn’t seem possible. Many days, I would lie in the bed, tears streaming down my face as I contemplated a future that I didn’t want.
Eventually, I recovered from the intractable pneumonia that is common with Covid and was transferred to a rehab center. There, I learned to walk again, and to swallow. I exercised every day with my therapists and on my own. I grew stronger and finally, after five and a half months of confinement, I was released to go home.
I was terrified. I was still very weak. I could walk, but needed a walker. It took enormous energy to bathe and get dressed. I had to take naps after doing the simplest tasks. And I was going home where I would have to not only take care of myself, but manage a house and care for my dog.
I am fortunate to have a wonderful friend, Susan, who welcomed me into her home and her life. She had been taking care of my dog during my hospitalization and she made room in her home for me, too. I was at Susan’s for two months, during which time I received therapy to help me gain strength and learn to accomplish simple tasks. Finally, I returned to my own house and managed to survive. Susan and I have an arrangement now where she cooks dinner for us most days, and I clean up. I prepare my own breakfast and lunch—tasks that, at first, were draining. I hired a helper to come in and assist me. Over time, I found that I was able to do a little more each day and I decided that I could manage without the assistant. November came, and Susan and I celebrated Thanksgiving. And of course, Christmas was on the horizon.
Christmas, my favorite holiday, meant decorating, baking cookies, and preparing a festive dinner. I wondered what my holiday would be like post COVID. Would it be a mere shadow of the holiday I celebrated in years gone by? Could I manage decorations or make Christmas cookies, an important tradition in my family? I knew that I had to try to make this Christmas the best I could manage given all of the challenges I faced. I sensed that a Christmas devoid of any decorations or traditions would be depressing. With Mike’s help, we were able to put up a small tree. I knew the regular 5 foot tree would be too much, but my tiny tree was festive and set the right mood. I found and displayed my Christmas towels, table runners, and wreaths. I ordered all of my gifts online and sent out Christmas cards. It was beginning to “look a lot like Christmas, “ as the song says.
Christmas cookies were the next challenge. I ordered refrigerated sugar cookie dough from a local store and baked two dozen cut-out cookies and decorated them. It took two days to accomplish this task and a nap after each activity—but to me, it was Christmas!
Christmas day came. After surviving a brutal fight with Covid, I had learned to walk again, swallow, had regained my voice, and I had defied death at least three times.
I celebrated the Christmas that seemed so elusive just a few months earlier filled with joy and gratitude. It truly felt like a miracle.
Yes! So glad you made it!
Kathy – Well written and I could certainly empathize. Even tho I wasn’t hospitalized as long as you, nor have such a long recovery, I did go through some of the same feelings you had in contemplating your recovery. Thank God you are where you are in your recovery, and I know t hat 2021 holds some very special things for you. Maybe a new book about your recovery . . . Love you, Dee Lore
A wonderful read. Love you loads…
You are indeed a walking miracle! Thanks for writing about your experience and triumph.
It gladdens my heart to see you writing again and finding ways to enjoy life after your tremendous ordeal. I want to share this far and wide so people will know how devastating Covid-19 is and take precautions. I want other survivors to know that there is hope for regaining your life though it’s a long hard slog.
You are an inspiration to many of us.
You are a wonderful example of resilience and strength Kathy. I am so glad you are doing well and had a lovely Christmas with Mike. I marvel at how much you went through and overcame over all these months. And I send you loving, healing thoughts as you continue to gain strength and heal from this horrible virus.
Love and hugs,
Marilyn
Beautifully written and very emotional. You are an incredible person and worked so hard to get to where you are now. You have so many stories to tell about your experiences this past year. I’m glad you shared this. I enjoyed reading it.
Thank you. I hope to be able to share more of my journey.
kathy, you are in my prayers everyday. God will help you get back to your old self, din’t give up. your story has helped many , thank you so much. have a happy and a better new year
Thank you for your kind words and prayer.
Kathy, you are strong and courageous and show us the way to love and light! We are inspired by your healing power, your belief in God’s guidance, and your amazing determination. You make reasonable goals and then set your mind and heart to accomplishing them. May your continue to grow healthier every day! Much peace and happiness to you in 2021 and may your days be filled with laughter and love! God bless you and all those “angels” helping you. Big hugs, Bonnie
Thank you, Bonnie! I appreciate your friendship and your kind words.
Sending hugs.
God bless you and God bless Susan. So happy you’re still in this world and healthier than
you could have been. Don’t forget that everything happens for a reason for our greater spiritual growth. Best wishes for you and a happy life.
I appreciate your comment
Hope your re-NEW-ed life brings you tons of joy.
Thank you!
Kathy. I finally read your blog. You are a strong, very strong person who has overcome so many ‘bumps’/mountains since I have known you. I’ve prayed for you every night since I heard of your most recent challenge with covid. Your determination and positive spirit is inspiring. I haven’t heard how you’ve been recuperating, so this blog was a welcome surprise. I will continue to pray for your FULL recovery. I’m also happy to hear that you still have Mike in your life.
Looking forward to reading more from you. Wishing you a health-full 2021,
So glad that you’re on the road to recovery, Kathy. Your brother was great about keeping people posted during your long months in the hospital. Your grit and determination are truly admirable. So happy you’re back home in Solivita!
Wishing you a happy and healthy 2021!
Hi kathy!
I often use you as an example to those who dismiss the seriousness of this terrible virus. I hope you continue to gain strength everyday. You truly are a warrior. I also read your blog “Going Viral”. Quarantine is a cake walk compared to what you’ve been through!