I am bothered by rudeness: when people talk through movies, shout over a live performance, push others out of the way, and are oblivious to anyone but themselves. I wish I could confront rude people and point out how their behavior upsets others. Needless to say, I know how futile that would be. I am sure that they would only be ruder still, and maybe become verbally abusive. I would find myself in a far worse situation than before. So, like so many other people who abhor rudeness, I grit my teeth and try to ignore it.
How do rude people get that way? Are they the products of the shovers and shouters we all encounter in our daily lives? Are they born that way? Do they think the world owes them something—and claim it—even though it takes being inconsiderate?
Do rude people ever feel a pang of regret or remorse for treating others so badly? Or do they take pleasure in barging their way through life?
In my life experience, I’ve found that you get further by treating others with respect. And I think that’s what separates rude people from the rest of us. They have little respect for others—they think their needs must be catered to, no matter what the cost to others. A popular word to describe such behavior is narcissism—excessive self love. And maybe that is the ultimate motivation for rude people, a sense of entitlement that springs from seeing yourself as the center of the universe.
Meanwhile, the rest of us have to put up with their behavior: texting during movies, loud talking at concerts, pushing to get ahead, throwing the “finger” at others, and inappropriate comments, to name a few.
It’s tempting to fight rudeness with rudeness, cruelty with cruelty, meanness with meanness. But personally, I would not want to live in a world like that. And I am grateful that so many people choose to be kind, polite and considerate. It makes encounters with rude people easier to take, and easier to forget.
I agree with you on this. I often feel as if the world has two types of people based on the theme park experiences, but I know I’m wrong. I used to confuse rudeness with brutal honesty, and they are very different. The first, as you said, involves narcissism while the second is more the opposite. Brutal honesty might create a conflict, but the person delivering it is often trying to avoid conflict and problems in the future.
An example? A relative claimed there was nothing for him to eat at EPCOT’s Food & Wine Festival because he doesn’t eat vegetables. All 10 of us allowed him to control the situation and leave the park to find pizza to eat at 8pm. No one wanted to be rude and refuse. In that case, brutal honesty was in order. I should have been honest and logical enough to say “10 of us are eating here. When we’re done, we’ll help you get your pizza.”
If you get a chance, pick up the short book, The Power of Nice. I think you’d like it.
I think that what we consider rudeness in people is often fear and insecurity. Yes, they seem very involved in themselves, but I agree we do not need to respond with rude behavior too. We could choose to give them the benefit of the doubt, or perceive their behavior differently. When someone is talking we might say, “Excuse me, but did you realise you are talking really loudly?” Alternatively, I know sometimes what is perceived as rude behavior comes from people who are going through some really tough times in their lives. Most often we cannot know what those difficulties are or where the sadness comes from, but we can smile and silently send them a prayer to help them heal.
Marilyn, your comment gives me pause. You are a gentle soul. Thank you.
Kathy – I wish I’d written this. My feelings mirror yours. Parents should at least teach manners and some empathy for others. Hopefully some would carry it into their adult lives.
Thanks for your comment, Ginger. I think most of us are sick of being the target of rudeness. And I do think children learn from example.
“Do unto others what you would want done to you” and “What comes around goes around” is appropriate here. If you want to be rude then expect people to shy away from you. Expect, in some cases, rudeness back. “Excuse Me! Get out of my face!” But in most cases this rudeness is in direct correlation to insecurities and less from what parents taught them. My only consolation is that people get what they give….and you can take that to the bank.
Sometimes adages say it all. Thanks for your input–and for commenting on my blog.
Kathy:
I believe there is a very fine difference between rudeness and bullying. In many instances they go hand in hand. Neither of which is the proper manner of behavior.
Keep the blogs coming. Although I don’t comment on all of them, I do read them.
Kathy, I was at Magic Kingdom yesterday and there is no one any ruder in that magical place than a person pushing a stroller. They think they are entitled and that’s one entitlement that we all can do without—the only one!
My husband and I think that going to the Magic Kingdom requires you to have a stroller and to be rude and abusive with the carriage. I have seen people lie about the age of the child that is riding in the stroller to get in free. They then have no problem with trying to push through you because they have a stroller and feel that the path is just for their use and not you. Sometimes we walk slower on purpose. I guess that makes us feel good!
The ultimate rudeness that I cannot stand is cell phones going off all the time!