I was supposed to celebrate this Christmas with my daughter and her spouse in Oregon. That didn’t happen. I needed to have unexpected surgery on December 11th and came home from the hospital a few days later. Luckily, my daughter was able to travel here to be with me while I was hospitalized. But she had commitments back on the West Coast, and had to go back soon after I returned from the hospital.
The word disappointed hardly begins to explain how I felt when I realized that I would have to cancel all of my plans for Christmas. I was angry at my situation, and I wondered why me?
This is my second Christmas without my husband—and it hasn’t gotten much easier. The Ghosts of Christmases past haunted me: the party we gave and the ones we went to, the Gala, festive decorations, decorating cookies and visiting my daughter were memories from other Christmases— and would not be a part of this one. There was no reason to bake Christmas cookies, and I did all my shopping on Amazon.com.
You can imagine how I felt.
And there was no miraculous reprieve. I woke Christmas morning with just my dog Sparkle for company.
Luckily, several good friends came to the rescue. I was invited to a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner by one friend and to Christmas Day dinner by another. Several other people extended invitations to celebrate the holiday with them. And my family called every day to bolster my spirits.
Before she left, my daughter decorated the house, and together we put up my table-top Christmas tree. Having a festive house did lift my spirits and made the holiday feel a lot more cheerful.
Best of all, I went to a meaningful Mass with a dear friend who recently became a widow, too.
So even though the Ghosts of Christmases Past hovered in the wings, I did have a merry Christmas.
I hope you did, too.
It is possible to find moments of comfort and festiveness even when grief still clouds our perception. I know last year’s loss of my mother still casts a shadow over holiday joy.
I’m so glad you had some time with your daughter, even though it wasn’t the way you planned. Going to mass required effort on your part, but paid off in good feeling for yourself and your friend.
You are quite correct, Ginger. I was glad that I made the effort to go to Mass–I think it helped me to gain some perspective on my disappointment.
All emotions seem to be magnified around Christmas, due to our expectations based on memories and traditions.
My father-in-law passed away on Dec. 20, 1968 at 57, and my own father would have been 100 on Christmas Day.
Our sad and good memories now come together each year as our tradition has been to celebrate their memory.
You are correct when you say that emotions are magnified, especially at Christmas. You certainly have many memories to honor at the Christmas holidays. Thanks.
Kathy,
So sorry to hear about your troubles and disappointments. Hope you are feeling better.
May the new year bring you health and good ‘atta-boys’.
Happy New Year from Massachusetts.
Dear Kathy,
The New Year will be much better for you.
You have lots of caring friends and Sparkle too.
You will be back to your creative writing.
BLESSINGS.
Bobbi and Al