Tears. Crying. Sobbing.
Some people can’t stand the sight of tears. They feel uncomfortable when someone in their midst starts to cry. They furnish the tearful one with tissues. They tell you that you don’t need to cry. And some even demand that you stop. Then they’ll offer platitudes to “comfort” you.
“He’s in a better place.”
“She doesn’t want you to be sad.”
“Crying won’t change things.”
Sometimes, guilt is used.
“Everyone’s looking at you.”
“Stop acting like a baby.”
“Real men don’t cry.”
“C’mon, it’s been months.”
To me, tears are cathartic. I’ve had a lot to cry about the past several years: the death of my husband and brother and several friends.
I’ve hidden my tears, and shown a seemingly competent, albeit subdued front.
Time does, indeed, mute the pain. Notice I said mute, not erase. Nothing erases the pain. It’s there and it will be there for the rest of my life, I am sure. As I start to move on, and to participate more fully in my life, behind the smiles and the laughter is a deep well of loss and grief.
So, if tears should flow, I will let them. I will let them cleanse me and help me to cope. And then, once again, I will be ready to face a new day—alone.
Kathy, I so totally relate to everything you say in this piece. The pain of grief will never completely go away. It becomes muted as we absorb it to become a part of us, and we change from the person we once were. When the tears come, let them. They are indeed cathartic. If people cannot handle that part of us, their ignorance in their meaningless platitudes is their loss, not ours. We need the tears so we can find the sunshine in our lives, to allow ourselves to be happy again, to cherish life, and remember to Carpe Diem! You never know what tomorrow may bring, so live each day to the fullest you are capable of doing. Eileen
I think by this time in our lives, most of us carry with us accumulated sadness. For some it’s a heavier burden than for others. I’ve lost a spouse to divorce, but not to death. I’ve lost a sister, parents, pets.
I remind myself that those we have lost would not want us to be unhappy for the rest of our lives. Regaining our joy isn’t easy, but it’s a worthwhile goal.