Holidays in Widows World

Microsoft Clip Art

 

Being a widow has changed my life in many ways—some I expected, others I didn’t.  My husband’s death was not sudden, it happened after several months of illness, hope, despair , hospitalizations and finally, Hospice Care. I thought I was ready…but I learned that it’s impossible to prepare for one of the most traumatic events a person can ever experience.

This is my second Christmas as a widow. And I’m still stuck in grief mode ( which does not surprise me).  Grief can, and does, color our lives for years. After all, how do you recover from the loss of your life-long companion? How do you celebrate holidays that were so meaningful in the past without him?

Do I really have to celebrate one of the most festive times of the year, when I just don’t feel like it? I know that  joy is transient and that I must delight in those moments and hold them dear to my heart. I just can’t make myself do this on command. And in a way, that’s what is expected of those who grieve during the holidays.

I thought it might be cathartic to list why I miss Dan during the holidays:

There’s no one to drag the boxes of decorations out of the garage.

There’s no one else to admire the tree.

I don’t have anyone to go to the Christmas Gala with.

If I bake Christmas cookies, Dan won’t come into the kitchen and nab several.

If I buy a Christmas tie, no one will wear it.

It’s not a challenge to buy gifts for Brenda and Amy.

No one will get me a pile of Christmas gifts.            ( Selfish—I know.)

And most importantly, I can’t hug Dan and wish him a Merry Christmas and tell him how much I love him.

 

 

 

 

 

About Kathy

I grew up in Buffalo,New York the second eldest child in a family that eventually included eight children. The neighborhood was an Irish-American enclave. These two facts explain a great deal about me. I spent many years as a teacher who really thought of herself as a writer.

4 Responses to Holidays in Widows World

  1. These things might seem minor to some, but each is just a reminder to you that you no longer have your spouse to share your life events.

    By showing the large and the small effects of widowhood, it brings home the message.

  2. Jocelyn H Gideon says:

    My thoughts and sentiments are with you Kathy.

    It is funny how we miss want once was, most likely, a small thing or something that bugged us.

    Hence, “In sickness and in Health” now really means something, at least to me it does.

    Dan is with you still. In all of the “memories” you shared, good and bad. They all count as gifts to you for ever and ever.

  3. L. C. Hayden says:

    I’m one of the very lucky ones. I still have my husband–my constant companion, my best friend, my guide, my joy. We’ve been married 43 years now. I can’t imagine life without him. That’s why I have so much admiration for you–and anyone else in your shoes. All I can say is to enjoy, love, be at peace. This way, you’re still giving your husband that very special gift. He will receive it even though you may not know it.
    In spite of your sadness, smile and have a very Merry Christmas.

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